I am currently sitting in High Point Coffee Shop after a long Saturday of classes. I am eight days into the school year and certainly tired and drained but I am not as bad off as I would’ve thought. I certainly can’t say that about the first week of teaching but the past three days I’ve had a peace about my performance.
The mixture of nerves and anxiety surrounding the first day of school was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The days leading up to the first day of school were days filled with intense anticipation and the feeling of everything needing to be perfect. If everything weren’t perfect then I would probably fail and would have to go back home with my tail between my legs. WHAT A STUPID THOUGHT! This belief caused me to leave school everyday and feel like a failure. I couldn’t get my mind off of school and rarely ate. This lasted for a straight week. After the first weekend I was clueless about how I would get through the first month let alone the first year.
It wasn’t until a long conversation Wednesday night with my roommate, a second year teacher at the same school, that I realized how I was holding myself to an impossible standard. Are the kids in my classes perfect? Absolutely not. In fact I really need to re-establish my authority starting first thing Monday and be more consistent with consequences. The beautiful thing about teaching though is that you will NEVER have the perfect day. That just isn’t possible. The important thing though is that you work as hard as you can to improve. There are always new, more effective methods to try and ways to make your classroom run smoother. During my three minute long commute to school on Monday I’ll definitely have that nervous feeling but as long as I do my very best to serve the kids I can hold my head up at the end of the day.
So far the eight days of teaching have been among the most physically tiring and emotionally draining of my life. God is faithful though and has also provided so much support from friends, family members and fellow teachers to get me through the rough times. Is teaching rough? Absolutely but at the same time it is so much fun to try and impact kid’s lives while teaching them the fundamentals of math. Let’s hope this journey will keep getting better!
I really like this reflection post. You feel exactly the same way I felt last year. You will be tired, but it will get better. I forgot how tiring teaching really is. I crashed almost everyday after school this week.
ReplyDeleteI love it, Bill! When the days get even rougher (because they will), remember what you wrote here- "as long as I do my very best to serve the kids I can hold my head up at the end of the day... God is faithful though and has also provided so much support from friends, family members and fellow teachers to get me through the rough times". Do what you're supposed to do, and He will provide the rest. This journey of craziness will get better... I can't wait to hear how this coming week is different from last week!
ReplyDeleteRest assured, Bill, it definitely will get better! And then your
ReplyDeleteteaching middle school?! I definitely know how you feel. I've taught
seventh & eighth grade every year and they often are the most
challenging group. There is
nothing more disconcerting than spending all your time to plan
(seemingly) engaging lessons only to be
resisted every step of the lesson. Standing up all day and trying to
open the minds of students who have defense and every other kind of
resistance mechanism in place is exhausting in itself, so when they
actively resist learning- it feels futile.However, the fact that you continue to persevere, that you will show
up Monday with new determination, indicates that you are already approaching success even if it feels entirely otherwise. During
my turbulent first year, I felt so foolish as I reflected on my initial
reasons for joining MTC- 'wanting to be challenged, forced to step out
of my comfort zone and rely solely on my faith in God. While this
experience certainly has strengthened my faith, I have been discouraged
& doubtful more often than not and longing for comfort, willing to
trade challenging for easy any day! These days will certainly be physically & emotionally draining, but you have already come along way- I am confident that the best is yet to come!
Thanks so much for the comment! I am indeed teaching 7th grade math in greenville. It's definitely been challenging so far and today was no different. I'm so thankful though for the support of family and everyone else cheering for me. I spoke with my team teacher for a half hour and he continually encourages me to plug away with making engaging lessons and working with parents to get them on board. Thanks again for the support and encouraging me along the way!
ReplyDeleteThe first weeks can definitely be stressful. There are so many obstacles to overcome. The can seem impossible. But I agree with what you said. At the end of the day, hold your head high, knowing you have done all you can do. I know from talking to you this year and reading your blog you are. The fact that what is stressing you out is your desire to help you kids is admirable. Remember to eat...I think I gained a little over 15 pounds the first year (or maybe that's because I got married and she makes me awesome food!). But seriously, hang in there, keep asking good questions to other teachers in your school and in the program. If you ever need anything, you know how to get in touch with me. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThis roommate of yours sounds like he knows his stuff, and whoever set you up with a three minute commute is definitely on point.
ReplyDeleteDr. Doar,
ReplyDelete